The First of Many (well, some. At LEAST two. the first of at LEAST two.)
I'm sat on a train back to Brighton (table seat, GET IN), watching the rolling green and golden English countryside whizz by (it's actually giving me motion sickness so I should probably stop).
There is nothing like a week away, surrounded by people that indulge your whims far too readily, to make you think that starting a blog is a good idea.
So this is the first "Kitty has a lot to say about not very much at all" blog post. “How exciting!” you all say (definitely only my sister is reading this, hi pal!)
To give you an idea of what this blog is all about - a few weeks ago I had a bit of an epiphany and posted this on Facebook:
“Do you know what I haven't done for ages? Made a mess. I'm always bloody tidying up, but I never intentionally make a mess anymore.
Do you remember when you were younger and you'd get out ALL the stuff from the craft drawer at school and then your teacher would tell you off because you were MEANT to be doing crayons that day or when you'd cover your hands in paint or ink or mud (or something like that). What happened to her, eh?
I have a sketchbook that has lain at the bottom of my drawer for quite some time. It has one drawing on the first page and no others. I think sometimes about doing another drawing, but I'm too scared that I'll draw something that isn't perfect and the book will be ruined.
Sometimes I start writing on a page of a notebook and cross it out and turn to a new page because it wasn't neat enough. I start in the back of notebooks for this same reason.
For ages I didn't pick up my camera because I'd been doing a lot of research and looking at other photographers and their work and I thought “what's the point? I'll never create something as good as them” or “I don't want to produce photography for no reason, it needs to have a purpose.” But I didn't have a purpose so I didn't do it. Then I'd get frustrated at myself because OBVIOUSLY to get good at something you need to practice.
“But what if I try and I'm not good enough?” My little inner whiny bitch voice would say.
What I'm getting at is that it's easy to feel like you need to play by the rules and only let people see the perfect finished product (be that your work or yourself). I want to be freer and wilder and let more people in, let people see the imperfections. I don't want to edit so much out (even though I just deleted and retyped this about four times).
This started as a revelation about my work (I've been looking at some INSANE wedding photographers and realising just how much of themselves they put in to their work and how open and honest they are) but it applies to a lot more than that really.
It's ok to mess things up, to leave things unfinished and to get things wrong. Messy, unfinished and imperfect are my new favourites. (Well aware I'm getting in to motivational poster territory here...)
Anyway, I've just started a new sketchbook and I'm going to make it messy as hell and I've just drawn on the FIRST PAGE in INK and it looks rubbish but that's ok.
(I also don't have a blog where I can neatly file my ravings away so you're just gonna have to DEAL with it Facebook).”
So I guess this is where I can “neatly file my ravings away” so Facebook doesn't have to “DEAL with it” (epiphany me is aggressive...) and a way to feel like I have more ownership over my business (when researching what others do, it's very easy to think things are meant to be done a certain way and lose sight of what it is that YOU want to do – another post for another time perhaps).
This blog (probably, because who knows where this is going to go?) will be a combination of my thoughts about photography and my thoughts about everything else depending on what kind of mood I'm in (giving myself a lot of wiggle room here, aren't I?).
Anyway, I have realised that I make funny faces when I write (as if I'm actually having a conversation) and now people on the train are looking. I'm signing off. Till my next bout of oversharing!
Kitty (apparent parentheses addict) x